You’ve got a situation you’re not happy with.
In the right moment with the right person, when you’re honest, it’s really not good. It ticks the minimal boxes and there’s plenty of qualifications you can list, but it’s hardly lighting you up and allowing your potential to express itself.
Thing is, it’s not as though you can’t think of what would be way better. You’ve got a brain and you’ve even got an awesome idea…. and it doesn’t go away.
But there you sit.
Status quo, knowing there’s a possibility, but not acting on it.
The quiet, subtle, internal suffering. Moderated by things like denial, justification, distraction, busyness, resignation, etc, etc, etc.
How many movies have we seen this character in? How many scenes from your life, have you seen yourself in?
A Common Occurrence
Recently I became aware that many of the conversations I was having were based around people considering how things are for them, and how they’d really like them to be.
Many of them were about business ideas that had totally captured their imagination.
For a long time.
They’re either in a job they don’t like, or need to expand the scope of what they do, or even completely shift their business.
And ALL of them were nowhere near being in action (no judgment from me). Most were sitting in that halfway zone. Not prepared to get started, not prepared to let the idea go, and get on with their life.
This also caused me to reflect on the clients I’ve worked with over the years and look through this lens at the situations we collaborated on. I made a list of the problems, challenges, pain and hurdles they brought in relation to turning their relentlessly sticky idea into reality. I also asked some key people for their experiences.
As you’d imagine, there were many reasons. From all sorts of angles and levels. Things like:
- The uncertainty of it all
- Would it be worth it?
- Spouse/Business partner support/pressure
- Where to start
- Fear of Other People’s Opinions (FOPO) & Fear Of Own Opinion (FOOO)
- Time and Energy commitment
- Income transition in the meantime
- The effects on others
- Will I be good enough? Will I do it?
Etc. etc.
Fear is Normal
Right now, think of something you’ve always really wanted and would love, but haven’t taken steps toward. And then ask yourself why you haven’t. I imagine something will instantly jump into to your mind. (Sometimes the first thing might be truth, sometimes it can be a defensive tactic.)
This is what we’re talking about.
Yet we know there have been an infinite amount of people over time that have had these same issues but have kept moving towards the goal regardless. So, it must be possible right?
And we all know the answer to that. But do we know the answer to our own story?
Distilling for Essence.
All in all, with a quick research process I had a list of about 50 different “blockers”.
I started doing the Russell Crowe “A Beautiful Mind” thing, looking for the patterns within the code. 3 emerged:
Clarity
Confidence
Conviction
- Clarity: “Can I see it?”
- Confidence: “Can I do it?”
- Conviction: “Will I see it through?”
Don't Forget Kindness.
At this point I was feeling pretty good about things. Clarity.
I ran this arrival past two of my colleagues. They liked it.
And then another friend and mentor, who hadn’t yet responded to my initial research request, called me back. He’d thought about it for himself and refused to go along with the formula I was using (identify the perceived problem, come up with the solution).
He was ok with “Confidence”, liked “Conviction” but wasn’t a fan of “Clarity”. He explained why and it was a typically wise, rich perspective.
And then he offered up “Compassion” to include on the list.
I loved it.
We discussed how turning powerful visions into reality (like building a business from scratch for example) can be really hard. And we’re not perfect. And we might fail or make stupid or lazy mistakes many times along the journey. And we might even fail with the whole project, or even decide to chuck it all in. With compassion, towards ourselves especially, we become much more powerful learners, rather than getting stuck in our stories of what “should” be.
Our progress is supported by compassion, as is our regress.
It’s a reminder that regardless of what happens, we are an unconditionally legitimate being. It’s also very practical. Our resilience is based in compassion.
Clarity, confidence, and conviction are all forward direction emotions and can be biased toward the assumption of inevitable progress. They also have the potential to create subtle pressure on us and put our attention on our concerns about the end result, and the “importance” of being successful. All things that don’t really help us be our best in any moment, when building and creating something we care about.
The 4 Deep Steps
Compassion – “No matter what happens, I will be kind to myself and others“. (Good starting point, isn’t it? Can you feel the power in that?)
Clarity – my mentor mate didn’t like this (he’s got his reasons) but I feel when faced with uncertainty, which these situations are, we need to have something that we can rely on, something that is clear, and it may not be the vision of the end goal.
Confidence – is essentially what we say to ourselves in relation what we’re addressing. You hear it mentioned everywhere there is attachment to the end result. Practically, it’s a means to an end. To get us in into being present with whatever we’re doing or need or want to do. It’s a gateway to where we realise our full potential, bring out our best, be most at ease. That’s all. It can also be bypassed!
Conviction – regardless of all other things and people, surely, we would want to honour our idea long enough to give it a chance to breathe and get close to our initial vision?
Notice these are all ”inner“ qualities and they’re all emotional qualities.
Leveraging Your Emotions
Emotion – Latin “e-movre”: to stir, to move.
Without addressing these emotional qualities in us, no matter how good our technical skills are, our knowledge, our network, our drive, our funding, our opportunities, our access, our support, our resources etc. etc. etc. we won’t go anywhere.
So tap into these qualities and see what happens.
Some sample questions to start leveraging them?
- What would it take for me to be kind and non-judgemental in this, no matter what?
- What’s the least I need to see, to move into action on this next phase?
- What can I rely on, regardless of how confident I feel?
- What do I want to remember to keep me going when it gets really hard?
Now go.
No leader is complete.
Human beings are creative by nature.
Life reveals itself in action.
Who we are, is experience, not where we get to.
I’m always happy to discuss anything about your progress, ideas, hopes and dreams. Get in contact and we’ll make a time to have an obligation-free chat.